Science of Poly

Dating Profile User Manual

While at RelateCon, I listened to a couple presentations by Cunning Minx and Lusty Guy, co-hosts of the podcast Polyamory Weekly. There were many useful nuggets of information and one of my favorites was writing a user manual for yourself which can be embedded in a dating profile. Ideally, it will allow potential suitors to have a better idea of what you’re looking for and how you tick. Mine is still a work in progress, but here is what I have come with.

My Dating User Profile

I was previously married and toward the end we started swinging. At the time I was terrible at communication so that ended badly. After my divorce I did a lot of self-searching and decided monogamy is not for me. I have been in an open relationship with a wonderful man for over a year and have much improved my communication skills. We both date other people and attend play parties together. I practice solo-poly which means maintaining a certain amount independence. I live by myself and prioritize projects like my writing and friendships on par with any partner. ‘Til death do us part is not what I’m looking for. This doesn’t mean I don’t want intimacy in my relationships, I’m just not going to promise you forever. Right now, I have no desire to have children. I am a nerd by all senses of the word. I have fandoms I love and also read journal articles in my spare time for research purposes for my writing. I don’t have a lot of patience for video games and absolutely none for sports.

I’m only seeing one partner and would be open to meeting new people. I am also pansexual so open to partners of all genders. I’m not opposed to friends with benefits. When I start dating someone new I prefer to only see them once a week or so. I am open to occasional texts throughout the day but am not down with someone I’m still getting to know expecting to know where I am at all times. That being said, I’m not opposed to having sex on the first date if we hit it off. I have some kinks which I’m willing to discuss. Using condoms is non-negotiable as is regular testing for STIs. I am not opposed to threesomes but feel extremely hesitant about dating couples and do not like being approached by a couple wanting me to date them both.

Honestly, I prefer meeting people in real life but don’t always have the time for that luxury. I also don’t have time to respond to all the messages I receive on here so some type of indication you’ve read to end is appreciated. I don’t like keeping up too many conversations at a given time so to give adequate attention to each one. If you’re looking for the future mother of your babies, it’s not me so please don’t waste my time. I have to meet someone in person before I know if I want to fuck them so don’t go into a date with any expectations.

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