Growing up in a strict religious background, masturbation was not discussed during my adolescence aside from its inclusion in the list of sins that sent you straight to hell. Wanting to avoid eternal incineration, I kept my hands off myself. When I finally started having sex in my twenties, I was quite content to let the man do the pleasuring and never bothered to learn how to do it with myself. You see, I am one of the fortunate who can orgasm via vaginal penetration.

After my recent divorce, it became apparent that lacking this certain skill was an issue so I drove down the street to my local sex toy shop. A delightful gay man had a lengthy conversation with me until he was sure we found the perfect vibrator for me. I really need to go back there and thank him. It was easily one of the best investments I have ever made. You get what you pay for and some things are just worth forking out the extra dollars. It took me a few tries before I mastered it, but when I finally did, I discovered a whole new world of pleasure.

Way too many of you are missing out!

It turns out I am not the only one who spent my twenties missing out on this experience. In 2009, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior collected data on how often women between the ages of 14 and 94 masturbate. The results are shockingly depressing. The following numbers indicate the percentage of women that have not masturbated in the past year:

  • 36.5% of women ages 18-24
  • 28.5% of women ages 25-29
  • 37.0% of women ages 30-39
  • 35.3% of women ages 40-49
  • 46.2% of women ages 50-59
  • 54.0% of women ages 60-69
  • 68.6% of women over 70

To put this in a different perspective, 7.9 percent of women ages 25 to 29 masturbate a couple times a week while 23.4 percent of men the same age do. Why does it matter, you may be asking yourself. I will tell you exactly why these numbers should bother you, especially if you are one of the many missing out.

Why mastering this art should be a priority

If you are single, achieving the big “O” is all up to you. However, even if you have a partner, you should still be masturbating. Most women do not reliably achieve orgasms during penetration. In fact, some research I have read reports that only eight percent of women consistently orgasm from vaginal penetration. That number is tiny!

Learning how to stimulate your clitoris to achieve orgasm is like a Rubik’s cube. Even once you have it down, some days it is easier than others. The numbers show that most women never even try. If you do not know how to pleasure yourself, how is some poor guy supposed to figure it out? Masturbating allows you to get to know your body, which you can then use to take care of yourself, if you are going at it solo, or to help your partner help you if you are lucky enough to have a man who wants to take on the task of figuring you out.

This experience is all about you. In my own recent journey of self-exploration, I learned that part of my problem was patience. I had to focus on putting everything else out of my mind and think about me, which when you get the hang of it is pretty rewarding. Anything romantic you have ever fantasized about can be part of your experience. Take a candle lit bubble bath with your favorite novel and a glass of wine. For weeks I joked about spending time with my fictional boyfriend Harry Dresden, a tall, dark, handsome wizard with an air of danger around him. It is your show so you get to pick the star. Ever feel a bit disappointed when a guy rips off your lingerie while barely noticing it? Wear if for yourself and keep it on as long as you like!

What you are missing out on… aside from the orgasm itself

Orgasms feel great, which in my opinion is enough of a reason to find the above statistics disturbing. Besides the brain tingling pleasure, orgasms provide the following benefits:

  • Improves sleep
  • Reduces stress
  • Release sexual tension
  • Relieve menstrual cramps
  • Increase self-esteem
  • Increase your ability to have orgasms

These are health benefits specifically related to achieving orgasms through masturbation. When you climax, even by yourself, the brain releases oxytocin, which makes you feel relaxed, content, and safe. This hormone naturally relieves stress. Aside from the physical health benefits, masturbation makes you feel good about yourself and increases your confidence during sex when you do find a partner because you know exactly what you like. There is no reason you should have to miss out on all these great benefits just because you are rocking the single life.

Ready to dive in?

I recently read  most beautiful descriptions of the female orgasm.

“At the moment of orgasm, women do not have any emotional feelings.” – Gert Holstege

“They completely abandon themselves to the sensation of their bodies.” – Daniel G. Amen, M.D.

These neuroscientists have spent years studying how the female brain operates during an orgasm, and these are their conclusions. An orgasm is a complete and utter escape from the stress of daily life that constantly threatens to push you over the edge. The next time you are considering reaching for that bottle of wine at the end of the long day, maybe you should pick up your vibrator, as well.

Learning how to keep yourself pleasured while you are single is an invaluable skill. For those of you who mastered this art in your bedroom at your parents’ house, power to you! If you are like many women out there and do not make this a part of your regular routine, this is as good a time as any to start playing around and unlocking a whole new world of pleasurable experiences that will not only bring a smile to your face, but relieve stress levels and boost energy!!!

Want some great resources on female masturbation? I’ve got you covered!

The Overdue, Under-Told Story of the Clitoris 

The Red Tent Revival

I would love to hear from you! Feel free to leave a comment below or on my Facebook page 🙂

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