Science of Poly

Let’s Go Out Tonight

I’ve lived in Salt Lake City over two and a half years. Utah is an interesting place. The religious majority continue to fight against the inevitable tide of modernity. Young people leave the church in droves, some in worse shape than others. Then there’s the rest of us who ended up here for some reason or other. The nightlife is bashed by the locals, but bars fill up on weekends and the music scene is thriving if you know where to look.

Downtown has provided me with a play ground where I’ve had endless adventures. From closing out clubs with my feet aching from dancing so much to late night pizza, I have not been bored. There are so many wonderful people to meet if you’re willing to make the journey out your front door. Unfortunately, some people are awful, and those are the stories we hear the most.

However, if you can move the past the occasional ghosting, unwanted passes, and difficult breakups, there is the potential for amazing connections. Maybe it’s been easier for me lately because I’m not looking for the family package. I live walking distance from all the best bars in the state. I feel lucky that I’ve had so many great experiences.

Recently, I was on a date that wasn’t going so well. By the end of the night, I figured there wouldn’t be seeing each other again so when the cute bartender asked me how my drink was on the way out of the bar, I couldn’t help but flirt a little. My partner and I went to the same bar the next night and turns out my partner and the bartender are friends. Because my partner is so wonderful, he proceeded to play wingman. The bartender chatted with us quite a bit and smiled at me a few times throughout the night. This is why ethical non-monogamy is amazing when it’s what you want, and it’s what your partners want. I don’t know if anything will go anywhere with the cute bartender, but it’s the thought that counts.

It can be scary putting yourself out there; however, it’s worth it to me to struggle through some not so great dates to have these moments that spark little crushes. So I will continue to wander the streets, and maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll see that cute bartender with the curly brown hair again.

2 thoughts on “Let’s Go Out Tonight”

  1. I just heard your interview on Poly Weekly and was very impressed. I hope you’ll get to Seattle soon to give a reading.

    I’ve been a sex positive activist since 1953, poly since 1967, and with my life partner since 1961. We lived in SLC from 1971 to 1974, and had our share of poly adventures there. We lived one house east of the corner of 1st and P street, next door to Linda Smith. Linda is still the artistic director of the Utah Repertory Dance Theater. She is one of the most remarkable, talented people I know, and no, we did not have a poly relationship.

    All the best for your career as a poly spokesperson and researcher,

    John Ullman


    1. Thanks John!! I will have to do that and get a drink with you and hear some of the stories I’m sure you have from years more experience than me.


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