So today I am going to tell you about some issues I’m having with one of my partners. I’ve talked about them a lot, in fact, I’ve hardly shut up about them since I started this blog. While there were definitely some challenges at the beginning, recently we’ve really hit a rough patch. Last night they left me in tears. I feel like I’ve been putting so much into this relationship and getting nothing back in return. Weeks of working toward what I thought were joint goals wasted. It’s all I can do to keep from calling it off altogether.
Then I remember the good times. Evenings spent lost in each other so content to just be together. Each relationship challenges and fulfills you in different ways and this one’s been no different. It’s part of the beauty of polyamory. You get to discover so much more about yourself, including entire new levels of frustration and pain.
For instance, last night after spending all day editing my audiobook, I realized that the noise reduction I was so proud of myself for figuring out actually ruined my recording. I’ve spent hours and hours over the past weeks deleting every breath and all the little clicks from when I bumped something while recording. I’m not an audio tech, but I thought watching a few YouTube videos and reading a tech blog would be good enough. Nowhere did anyone mention using the noise reduction too many times makes you sound like you thought it would be a good idea to record in a tin can.
You see, I practice solo poly so to me projects like my book are on par with relationships when it comes to time and emotional investment. Right now, this book is causing me some grief. Fortunately, my wonderful human partner Gil and besty Ruby are so patient and unrelentingly supportive during this rough patch with my book. I’m quite sure it is just a rough patch and it’s not even all bad. When I was first writing I was so scared no one would ever even read it and now I’m getting notifications almost daily of new book sales.
Despite the difficulties, I will refrain from deleting my audiobook. Maybe we just need to take a break and see other people for a bit.